What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
not ubering you a puppy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
