The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
