I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
