I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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