im about as happy as oj after his trial
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
