I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
