We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
