absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
