omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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