I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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