I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
