If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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