you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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