In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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