I am midnight drunk by noon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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