Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
