where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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