I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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