you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
