I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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