I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
