i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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