Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
