Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize