My liver just broke up with me...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
