Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
