is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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