When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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