Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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