i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
