I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
