I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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