Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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