I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
