honey bunches of taint.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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