we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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