My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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