im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I won the penis lottery.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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