how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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