in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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