Apparently you make a good broom.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
