dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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