Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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