I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
