It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
