So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
