haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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