i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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