He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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he's gonorrhea incarnate
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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