Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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