the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
