Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
