There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
