I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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