Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
