she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want her autograph on my taint
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
