Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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