god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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