yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
