my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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