Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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