I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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