I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
